An Inquisition.

Sometimes I feel like Chihiro.

I'm not sure who to trust, who to show my true skin to. I feel like I have another goal- much bigger- underneath all of this, much like Chihiro on a journey to rescue her hog-like parents from the Spirit World. She has Haku and I have Kevin. She has Kamajii, No-Face, and Boh and I have my friends. Yeah, I love this movie and I've watched it countless times but every time I watch it, I just become mesmerized by her actions and bravery, also her purity and innocence. I really adore Chihiro's character. These are such qualities in her that I wish to someday acquire. If only...

These days I feel like her because I feel like I have to second guess everyone that I come across. Even the friends that I've known since high school. Like how Haku morphs into a dragon and completely changes, not that I'm saying Kevin's like that in any way, some people that I meet hide their true skins. Or rather sometimes they are straight forward exclusive with his/her friends in your face at your presence. It annoys me. But that's their true color- black. Dark, hopeless, and shady.

And I have to confess.

There is something that I desperately need to fix.

This ongoing hatred.

If I want to resemble Him, I cannot hate. Love your neighbors but also love your enemies. You're not my enemy, I have nothing to do with you anymore. But why does this flame of bitterness and disgust still coexist within me? Maybe it's karma. I don't know. Your name, your face, your voice, your pictures, everything that coincides with your presence makes me sick to my stomach and makes me wish that I never had anything to do with you in the first place. But that would be foolish.

Do any of you guys remember when Chihiro saved the River Spirit at the bath house by removing all of human trash from his spirit limbs? And Chihiro was rewarded in return, a sphere shaped material that when consumed makes anyone throw up anything evil that was within them?

I need it. I need that miracle! Someone go save a river spirit and get it for me...

Or maybe it's this retreat that I need. Just maybe.

-

If you had no idea who I've been referring to, e.g. Chihiro, Haku, and No-Face... Shame on you. Please do me a favor and take some time to watch this movie. I just love it SO SO SO much, words don't do justice.

Epiphany

Just a quick blog before off to CS recitation..

but I'm so lucky, just saying. :)

I'm so blessed with everything I have. Just being at Tech, even at work or at studio. I can't put into words just how lucky I am.

Mmm.. or is it luck?

Why do I feel like

this?

I want to feel peace and tranquility. Happiness and positivity. But when I come back from everything and sit alone at the end of the day, I feel like I have to 'SIGHHHHHH'- for whatever reason. You know what I mean?

Ok so I suck at writing things without making them freaking oblivious but I'm gonna try anyway.

I feel like I have so much anger in me. And sometimes my anger blows up to a point where I can't even breathe. A lot of the times it's simple unnecessary things that bother me but I've had this anger issue probably from years back when someone retarded did something to me and I can remember this event crispy clear from head to toe, inside out, backwards and forwards. I just have a huge disgust when it comes to people lacking of COMMON SENSE. C'mon people. Is this concept THAT hard to understand?

Ok fine. I looked up the term 눈치on a korean dictionary and it spit out 'common sense'. Is that right? I feel like COMMON SENSE just doesn't quite grasp the point across I'm trying to make.
Anyway.

Just another day of feeling frustrated and beaten.

I'm the egg beater, YOU'RE the egg

& I want to BEAT YOU UP!

-jl