blah.

i want to let it be known but i can't because then it will be known the way i wouldn't have expected. i just wish things were simpler, like today. like today when someone out of the blue that appeared before my eyes and had an immediate connection. something ive been longing for but had not expected. maybe because i shouldn't have expected but something i felt i was in need of. something in me that cant be filled with the people that are already around me but that something else that is left empty in my heart. today, i felt it being filled up. just starting to. but it's unfortunate to see it come to an end so quick. so temporary. only He knows in the long run if its meant for me. i just love the spontaneity of it all. how ive been asking for that something and i wonder if this is the answer. if it is meant to be, then it will all work out, right? i just cant help but desperately wanting to refresh everything to start new. i just want to. i guess im not too good with this. i always give up, leave it in ruins. but i always start again. is this the time to start again?